In-N-Out

Dear Stephanie,

I checked on Max. He was digging holes in the back yard. I told him to knock it off. Then, I let him inside. For Christmas, my brother and his wife Sarah got me an “In and Out” card. I cannot wait to use that one.

I just wonder how you are doing. It has been many years since I heard from you. I remember we connected online. Through something called the Rambling Irishman. You were my first online connection ever. I remember we got as far as writing, and even a few phone calls. After that we kept up on AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) for a time. The last time you e-mailed me, you had moved to Australia and gotten married, and you had a child on the way.

I remember that you, and your family lived in a town in Florida. You had a brother and a sister. I remember you had us read the book Ben-Hur. I went to the library Everett, and found an original copy. Published in 1902. You even let me chat with your Mom a couple times. How is your Mom doing?

Somehow, whenever this song plays, he song Awesome God I think of you and your family. I first heard the song by Michael W. Smith on a disc my parents got me for my birthday.

I remember you moved to Texas. It was then that first came up with the idea of meeting you. After you moved to Texas, though, you called me a stalker. I want forgiveness.

My Mom said it would be a stretch that we could meet. She said maybe a Facetime. Facetime! I have never done Facetime. So, for me, it would be a learning experience.

I still would like to meet, even after a Facetime. I wanted to meet from the beginning, in truth. But I did not know how to ask. Then, by the time I did, school had started. I guess that is what I got for procrastinating.

At times, I almost forgot you. But God would remind me of you and even your family at times. One of those times, it was 2013, in about March, right before deployment, onboard USS PRINCETON CG 59. My chain of command had me check in DEERS. They said it had not been updated. https://www.tricare.mil/DEERS.

Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System is a computerized database for United States Service members, military retirees, 100% VA Disabled Veterans, dependents, DoD active Contractors, and others worldwide who are entitled to Public Key Infrastructure and TRICARE eligibility.

From Wikipedia

I did not know if there was some kind of mix up, or something. But I saw “Poppy”, and thought, “Now that is a name I had not heard in a long time”, as I clicked on the link. It showed a map, with your whole family on it. It was like an update. The information went by so fast, though that there was no way to write anything down, take a screenshot, or get a picture with my phone.

After my deployment, I began attending this church called “The House of Prayer” in downtown El Cajon. One time, one of the hymns they played was “Awesome God”. Once again I thought of you and your family. That was in the early summer of 2014, when everything still seemed right with the world.

I went and got an Aspergers Diagnosis in September 2014 at the Naval Medical Center in Balboa. As soon as they diagnosed me, I thought of you. Later, I decided maybe you did not have Aspergers. But then, I found a blog of yours where you wrote about having Aspergers. You called yourself an “Aspie woman”. That was later though.

Then, in June of 2015, after my grandmother had passed away, I was on Facebook. A relative shared your Facebook. Despite all of the years, I recognized you, and went to the Facebook. There, I found a link, to a website and when I went to it I saw all these pictures. It looked like you had made it to the Middle East somewhere. I never was sure why my relative did that, but I was actually grateful. It was neat to see how you were doing. I remember once, you told me you were going to Israel. I always wondered, how did that go? I was in a part of the Middle East and I always wanted to tell you about that.

Then, one night I was driving Uber. I got into a pretty bad wreck. All of a sudden I could see the e-mails you had sent me. I could even see the pink font you used. I thought of your daughter. I was like, “Why would I even be thinking of her daughter?” Was it to ambitious of me to suddenly wonder if I could meet both you, and your daughter? What a treat that would be. Those were my thoughts as I gave them my insurance information.

About two weeks later. My Mom dragged me to Barnes and Noble, since I did not have a car. So, I told her about you wanting to write a book. I looked around for titles for a while. But gave up. Then, my Mom suggested looking you up online. So, I did. But I found two Linkedins and a Facebook. I went to the Facebook. It was Persephone.

I friended her. We connected for a little while. It was neat. I was so close to meeting you, I felt. Then, all of a sudden she says, “We are not suited to a friendship. I wish you well”. Then, she blocked me. I know she has blocked me before. But she used to chat to me at 3 AM in the morning. One time, she helped me with a school project where I got an A in that class.

I was hurt. I cried. I still remember some chats with the daughter of Demeter.

Well, with the Linkedin I began looking you up. At first I could not find anything. But then, I found an interview. A couple of blogs. I also rediscovered your Facebook. But you had not updated it since 2012. I enjoyed reading your writings. I always did. I remember you used to include scripture in your letters. like, “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”.

But I became confused. For some reason, my Mom was telling me that you and “The Daughter of Demeter” are one and the same. I always was confident you were two different people. Nevertheless, I found someone associated with a creation of yours, “Cake Patterns”? Last year, I e-mailed them about a pattern, and “The Daughter of Demeter” told me not to contact her associates.

At last. My opportunity had come. She could not reblock me for 48 hours. So, I thought long and hard of what to say. After arguing for a bit, about her associates, I decided I really just wanted to ask if we could meet. So, I told her about my misadventures in the Navy. She was intrigued! She threatened to block me, afterwards. So, I went ahead and asked her, “Could we meet”? Her reply was a bit shocking. She said, “No”. But she did explain that meeting would involve sex. I rated that high? Wow. I would have to tell her no though, because my body belongs to God.

Then, she explained that “Stephanie was her dead name, and me using it was like a kick in the gut”. Well, I am sorry. I did not know. The police got involved here. They mentioned you. I am sure it is nothing. It sure would be nice to hear from you again. Mr. Hogan says this chapter is not quite closed. So, I have hope that maybe one day, we will meet. When you are ready.

I would like you to meet Scott as well. Scott helped me get my job at Albertsons. He also trained me there too. Scott is full of travel ideas.

The “Daughter of Demeter” said I could contact her father. I attempted to do so. But could not find out whether he is dead or alive. I was even in the yellow pages. So, on that I ran into a dead end, I think. I also wrote him a letter, but it seemed he had moved from that address a while back. Well, if you find this, and even remember me. It sure would be nice to hear from you. For now, I will give this to the Lord. “With God, all things are possible”.

Well, it is time to play some EU III before work. I hope this finds you well.